Throughout our lives, the concept and perception of time changes. When we are little, there is no consciousness of time. That juice box and cartoon are going to be amazing after nap time! Then as we get a little older, it drags by us- particularly in that boring math class where the teacher goes on and on about equations/theorems/functions that don't ever seem to be needed outside of that classroom.
A switch happens about here. We begin to transition from "I'm never going to be old enough for all the cool 'grown-up' stuff" to "I'm not sure I'm ready/I want to be ready for this stuff." Which brings me to where I am currently residing in the changing tides of time.
Nothing -I repeat, nothing- prepares you for parenthood. All those all-nighters in college? Doesn't even come close to the sleep deprivation of a newborn. Not to mention, in college you can come home and crash with no interruption when that paper is turned in. Crazy demanding jobs with never satisfied bosses? My 5 year old puts them to shame. Functioning on 2-3 hours of sleep after a fun night out with the girls/guys and congratulating yourself for being able to remember to put on shoes the next morning? How about feeding two small humans (one every two/three hours), dressing them, entertaining them, finding time to dress and feed yourself, clean the house, do laundry, run errands and make dinner when some nights your blessed to get 5 hours altogether? Now that's something to celebrate!
Now, before you jump to the "oh gosh, she must be struggling so much to need to rant like this" or "motherhood doesn't seem to be suiting her very well, 'tsk tsk'", let me disabuse you of that notion. Humor and sarcasm are my saving grace. No matter the type of day. good or bad, my sense of humor (or if you ask my husband and family, sass!) is my fuel. Those who know me are only concerned when that humor seems to have taken a vacation. All of this is said in a humorous vein, as I am a walking zombie this morning. **Also, parenthood is hard even on it's best days**
I LOVE being a mom. I will grumble and occasionally cry from exhaustion at those 1am, 3am, 5am feeds and diaper changes but let me tell you there is absolutely nothing that beats the feeling you have when you baby smiles -really really smiles at you- for the first time. And no matter how badly I want a break, time to escape for a bit to mentally and physically regroup, it's an amazing feeling to know your infant knows instantly when you are gone and wants you back asap.
Having your first baby excitedly tell you everything she is going to do her first day of kindergarten (cue the tears. Yeah, I cry a lot now!) and how she s going to take her backpack with her everyday and not lose it, but that she'll share her crayons and scissors with her "new" friends is amazing. Her personality is getting stronger and more defined each day and despite the headaches a strong-willed, opinionated child can bring, I am relieved that my daughter will never be walked on or her thoughts and opinions pushed aside. And I cherish the fact that I am one of the people she chooses to confide in and share all of her thoughts with.
Time is speeding by me; that's my perception now. There are days I fight the sadness that my kids are growing up and will be leaving my home in the near future (yes, 13 years is near. Complete seriousness.) and I have to remind myself that I have so many memories to make and share with them that I don't want sadness to be a part of that. I want to cherish each moment, even the tough ones, because they will never come again.
